So, I’ve Got This Friend

I say he’s a friend, that’s a bit of a reach. He’s a person I know, that some of my friends like and who I’m unfortunately forced to spend an unreasonable amount of time with despite my intense dislike of him. I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, I’d wank over his burning body. I’m tempted to spend my last few days on earth slowly beating him to death with a teaspoon.