Unwritten Rules

Well, I guess they won’t be for long.

Every guy follows the same etiquette when texting or messaging someone, it’s actually pretty bizarre. If any girls out there don’t believe me then trust me, I’ve spoken to plenty of my friends about this and they all do exactly the same.

If you’re speaking to a male friend then no kisses are necessary unless they’re one of your closest friends, at which point a single “x” becomes acceptable.
If you’re speaking to a female friend who is exactly that and nothing more, or a female who you don’t know very well then one will suffice.
Everyone knows that “xx” is like an accident, nobody ever means to put two really. It’s either a habit you’ve somehow picked up or you’ve got fat fingers and you keep pressing it twice.

Here’s where we get to the real important shit.
If you’re speaking to a female friend who you’re really close to or that you want to get jiggy with then “xxx” becomes the norm. it’s not too blatant that it could be misconstrued as “sit on my face already” but then it’s not so casual that they’d think you don’t give a fuck about them so it works for either one.

Any more than three and you’re entering some real important territory, make sure that you know she’s into you or risk having to play it off as a mistake afterward.
If a girl then decides to reply with any number of “x”s exceeding three then congratulations son, you’re about to get laid.

This might seem pathetic and stupid, because it is.
I take no responsibility for the way the world works or the fact that technology has reduced us all to children.

I Said Something To Someone

You know, as you do. It struck me that it was actually pretty accurate though so I thought I’d put it here.

When someone says something shitty to you, you basically have a choice of three responses. Some people choose anger, they explode and go crazy and a fight ensues. Some people choose frustration, they leave the conversation as soon as they can and retreating to a safe place to cry or maybe just to be alone.

The third option is the one that i often choose and is probably what I would say is for the best. I choose happiness, don’t let something said out of frustration in a moment of weakness effect you for any amount of time. Any time spent angry or frustrated is just time wasted, you won’t gain anything out of it and you’ll certainly lose a lot. I see people lose so much time feeling down or being angry that could really be spent doing something so much more worthwhile. If you spend even five minutes a day like this then over a year that’s more than thirty hours, over twenty years it starts to look a lot more like six hundred hours, that’s nearly a month.

five minutes might not sound like a lot but when you imagine losing three or four months of your life over the course of it, that’s when shit gets serious. That’s enough time to learn a new language, learn to play an instrument or even write a book. So basically, don’t let little shit get you down and if you’re sure that it’s not little shit then stop and think, will i still feel this way about it in twenty years? If the answers no then trust me, you’re wrong.

Tip Of The Tongue

Something absolutely magical happened the other night. I’ve actually developed a solution to the age-old problem of forgetting what you were about to say because someone interrupted you.

That exact situation played out as it normally does, one of my friends started talking about his friend’s appendicitis and we went off on a tangent with him forgetting what his point in the story was. This is normally followed by the typical “what was the last thing i said?” “I have no idea.” Usually this is where the conversation dies unless the first person can force themselves to remember, which is rare whether you’re high or not.

This is when I came up with the plan, if you just restart the conversation and replay out exactly what you remember saying leading up to the point that neither of you can remember then the person who needs to remember should just naturally think of what they were thinking of before.

I figured that if something we said triggered him remembering a story he wanted to say then maybe going through the conversation again as naturally as possible would trigger the memory again and as it happens it worked.

Absolute magic.


I think it’s vital every now and then to just disconnect from the internet and from the things around you which aren’t tangible. Every once in a while just stop it all,stop spending all day texting someone, checking facebook, updating twitter, snapchatting photos or any of the rest of the mountain of bullshit crutches we’re leaning on to cure boredom.

Let the screens fade to black, let your phone die and just let go.

It really is nice to spend some time on your own, listen to music, eat and smoke. Take as long as you need because I can assure you if someone really, really needs you then they’ll find you. It’s so much easier to forget all of the pathetic little things that disrupt your natural rhythm if you just cut everything out. Only the most important things will ever reach you and it’s nice knowing that there’s no other shit to deal with .

One Twelfth

It’s been a whole month now since I’ve started doing this and there have been some interesting developments. For starters I’ve been smoking so much weed that I definitely need to stop and focus on something else, but it is difficult when everyone keeps asking you to do it and you have to say yes obviously. My new resolution is to lock myself away if I need to do work, avoiding any potential questions to begin with. I’ve found the same thing with dating etc, if a girl asks to see me I’ve got no choice but to say yes, which I don’t necessarily want to do so I’ve decided to start avoiding it if I don’t want to meet up with them, it’s basically the only thing I can do.

Despite being constantly roped into stuff and way behind on uni work, all in all this seems to be working out well for me. We recently played poker for money in my house and I ended up coming third, which wasn’t bad for someone who barely knows the rules. I also ended up going on a few dates which have been fun and the girl’s might want more but it’s safe to say I’m happy with the freedom I’ve got being single. God knows how I’d be able to say yes to everything if i constantly had a girlfriend saying no to everything. Fuck that for a laugh.

Daryl Fuckin’ Dixon

So I watched the most recent episode of The Walking Dead and there’s a scene where Daryl Dixon tries to catch a wild horse and says “You used to be somebodies, but now you’re just yours.” In reference to the fact that the horse used to be tame but since it’s been on it’s own it’s gotten wild and difficult to handle.

Never have I felt such an affinity for a fictional horse.

Modern Warfare

It’s a common tactic by governments to give the population a big celebration or a sudden benefit in order to distract them from the far more regular problems that were going on at the same time.

The Beijing Olympics in 2012 distracting the majority of the population from the fact that they’re a country ruled by an evil government. That’s a perfect example really.

This made me think, isn’t that what people do in life as well? Your girlfriend probably hates so many things about you but she’s willing to look over them because of the good things you do far less often. And damn right, you think the same about her. Strange.

Saddest Sentence

I’m eating left over birthday cake and because it’s 3am I’m doing it in the dark while watching Community on my laptop which is all perfectly normal really except for the thought that just entered my head.

It was a single sentence that sounded so depressing it’s unbelievable.

“It’s so hard to eat birthday cake using only the light of a laptop.”

The Four Great Tests of Worthiness

It struck me the other day that my room seems to have things dotted around it that are really just tests to see if a girl is a good match for me or not. Not intentionally of course, it’s just something that I realised was a happy coincidence.

There’s a stack of Dragonball Z DVDs by my TV, a framed photo of Liam Neeson by my bed, a wooden totem pole on the table and five lego figures hidden around my bookcase.

Home Run!

So It’s been three weeks and still no repercussions or issues arising, nothing but happy faces so far.

I’ve started to notice just how many favours you do for people when you say yes to everything, I’ve been on fuck knows how many trips to Tesco and I shudder to think how many times I’ve battled against the stoned voice inside my head to get up and get something from across the room for someone else. Anyone who’s ever smoked weed on a regular basis will definitely know what I’m talking about. I guess it’s just me saying yes more is getting noticed and people are getting more comfortable with asking me to do things, thinking I’ll agree to it.

That’s even happening in terms of fun things to do as well. Everyone I live with helped move the sofa from the living room to on top of the roof so that we can now smoke in comfort and in the sun seeing as it’s moving into the spring over here in grey Britain. I’ve gone to the cinema today and watched Big Hero 6, something I wouldn’t normally have agreed to see but as it happens, it’s genuinely really good, thoroughly enjoyed it! All in all, nothing but success so far so let the good times roll!

Double Whammy

So this post’s going in both of the categories I’ve made because it does kind’ve apply to both.

I was baked last night and I was thinking about the night out for my birthday and some of the events of the last month or so and it really does seem like I’m attracted to drama. Not in the sense that I make a big deal of things, because I don’t, I’m really laid back. But I tend to make decisions or do things that I know full well could easily blow up in my face and cause a lot of hassle for me, without any real thought of the consequences. It seems like I need confrontation but only when i can shift the blame on the other person. I don’t cause any drama but I definitely seem to enjoy being caught up in it, it’s the only explanation I can think of for why I’m consistently attracted to paranoid and unstable girls with trust issues.

It then started to dawn on me that maybe this whole “Say yes more” is just another way of doing exactly that. Maybe I only want to do it because it means that I’ve got an excuse to do whatever I want and not have any of the repercussions being my fault.

Introspection’s a bitch aye.