I don’t normally buy into the latest social networking app, you know the ones available for every phone that’ll connect you with everyone you’ve ever seen out of the corner of your eye and allow you to send them ironic selfies plastered in emojis while letting them know you’re currently streaming the debut album of the cool new indie band that only uses three obscure instruments between eight band members and subtly showing the TV in the background playing the latest tense political thriller following the rise to providence of a serial killer in the 13th century.

I broke my trend and got Timehop and I can safely say I’m delighted with the results as today I found out that five years ago I told someone to “shut up or I’ll get a hammer and nails and turn your cunt into a fucking treehouse.”

I’m now pleasantly surprised with my eighteen year-old self.


TV Lied To Me

Single life isn’t all casual sex and non-stop partying.

It’s more of a mix of awkward sexual encounters, mild depression, binge-watching TV alone in bed and a lingering narcotic addiction that surfaces every day or two.

A Good TV Series

I’ve just started watching Vikings and it struck me, you know a TV series is amazing when you need to go to the toilet and you end up taking your laptop with you to keep streaming it while you take a shit. That’s real gripping storytelling right there.

Daryl Fuckin’ Dixon

So I watched the most recent episode of The Walking Dead and there’s a scene where Daryl Dixon tries to catch a wild horse and says “You used to be somebodies, but now you’re just yours.” In reference to the fact that the horse used to be tame but since it’s been on it’s own it’s gotten wild and difficult to handle.

Never have I felt such an affinity for a fictional horse.

The Four Great Tests of Worthiness

It struck me the other day that my room seems to have things dotted around it that are really just tests to see if a girl is a good match for me or not. Not intentionally of course, it’s just something that I realised was a happy coincidence.

There’s a stack of Dragonball Z DVDs by my TV, a framed photo of Liam Neeson by my bed, a wooden totem pole on the table and five lego figures hidden around my bookcase.

High Thoughts

I’m gonna start doing them because every now and then something amazing pops into my head and I feel like I need to document them.

Like just now, Is there a person who’s sole job it is to name the episodes of a program? What a boring and awful job that would be.