Double Whammy

So this post’s going in both of the categories I’ve made because it does kind’ve apply to both.

I was baked last night and I was thinking about the night out for my birthday and some of the events of the last month or so and it really does seem like I’m attracted to drama. Not in the sense that I make a big deal of things, because I don’t, I’m really laid back. But I tend to make decisions or do things that I know full well could easily blow up in my face and cause a lot of hassle for me, without any real thought of the consequences. It seems like I need confrontation but only when i can shift the blame on the other person. I don’t cause any drama but I definitely seem to enjoy being caught up in it, it’s the only explanation I can think of for why I’m consistently attracted to paranoid and unstable girls with trust issues.

It then started to dawn on me that maybe this whole “Say yes more” is just another way of doing exactly that. Maybe I only want to do it because it means that I’ve got an excuse to do whatever I want and not have any of the repercussions being my fault.

Introspection’s a bitch aye.

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I Am The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To My Life

I’ve been destroying everything that makes me happy or that I love and for no other reason than apparently I just can’t let myself be happy. I fell in love with a girl and we broke up because she loved me so much that she hated the thought of losing me or me getting interested in other girls and became incredibly paranoid and jealous and wouldn’t let me do much without her either being upset or having a go at me. She says she’s changed and I just don’t think she has, I can’t believe that she has because it doesn’t seem like it’s possible for her to. I really want to be with her because I know she’s what makes me happy, but I need that bit of trust and for her to have faith in us. I’m torn between risking being with a girl I love who might not be able to let our relationship work at all or being in love with a girl who’s going to get over me while I try to make the best of whatever I’ve got left. Who the fuck knows what I’m supposed to do, I certainly don’t.