I always say to my girlfriend that she’s my top priority and I never lie about that. I’ve had sleepless nights worrying about whether we’re going to be okay. I came running from Swansea first thing in the morning the other day because something was wrong. I always have to swallow my pride and apologise to her when she thinks I’ve done something wrong, whether I think I have or not. If she’s upset, I will do everything in my power to make sure she’s okay. She rings me early in the morning and I don’t shout at her for waking me up like I would for most people, I just listen to what she’s saying, sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s just a pointless chat and that’s the sweetest phonecall of all. I haven’t seen my father since I moved to Swansea because I don’t want to use up some time that I could be with her, I’m seeing him tomorrow and I’m bringing her with me. I don’t have a job because I can’t find one that won’t make me work weekends and won’t eat into the time I have with her. I’ve cut quite a lot of girls out of my life because she’s paranoid and even though they were only friends, I’d rather her just be happy and not have anything to worry over. I’ve stayed when she’s told me to go, made her stay when she’s wanted to go, made us talk when all she’s wanted to do is ignore me and all because even though she might not want to see me or speak to me, I know she needs to and I need to in order to fix whatever it is that’s broken. I would do anything for her and I’ve done everything I have had to for her. Please, please don’t get me wrong when I say this because I am not complaining. This isn’t me whining and moaning about all the effort I put in, this is me explaining and trying to get across to anyone and everyone that all of this and much, much more is always going to be worth doing. Not because I get to think I’m a pretty good boyfriend because I don’t think I am, I know I could be so much better for her and every day I will try to be that little bit better for her. Not because she would do the same for me because I know for a fact she wouldn’t, she doesn’t and I don’t think she ever will, that’s not a bad thing about her, that’s just not what she’s like, she has other priorities in her life that come before me and that’s always going to be completely fine by me. It’s because it’s all for a good cause when I get to lie down, she’s cuddled up close to me and asleep and I know that she’s happy and that’s all thanks to me.
I just got home ready for the weekend back from Swansea to see my girlfriend and spend some time with some close friends too and I’ve somehow ended up spending the entire of this evening curled up in a ball on my sofa, sleeping with my cats and playing with them. I like it when I can see they’re getting more and more annoyed but I’m just finding it more entertaining. Cats make the best fun.
I’m making a move to Swansea today, for those of you who are geography-illiterate it’s about an hour and ten minutes further away and I’m going to maintain a relationship with my girlfriend who’s staying here. It’s going to be hard but nothing worth having comes easy. I’m going to miss her like crazy throughout the week as we’ll only be able to see each other on weekends but I know that we can make it. She’s afraid I’ll do something wrong while I’m away but I’m not angry about her doubting me, I just can’t wait to prove her wrong.