Don’t

Don’t get sad, get angry.

It sounds stupidly simple and easy to do but we all know it’s not.

Don’t just get angry and self-destructive though, that’s a common mistake. Get angry and use it, use it to build yourself into a better person than you ever were before. Better doesn’t necessarily mean good, you don’t have to be a good person to be a great person. If you ever need motivation to put yourself in a better situation just tell yourself that you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of the endless mountain of shit that is everyday life for most people on the planet, but you’re going to get it anyway so get angry and move that fucking mountain.

Children let their emotions control them, adults learn to hide them and maybe even block them out entirely but only great people can harness them. Use every single ounce of rage in you to do everything you never thought was possible.

This message was brought to you by a lack of experience and an unrelenting hope for the future.

Holophrase

I learnt this word today. It’s basically when a child can’t yet form full phrases so uses singular words combined with inflections and gestures to get the point of an entire phrase across. When a kid says “up” looking up at you all excited, clearly they want to be picked up, that kind of thing.

This got me thinking about slang and how so many people this day shorten whole words or phrases into singular words, often with three syllables or less so it’s extremely quick to pronounce. Why not learn a new word that actually has the meaning of an entire phrase, rather than making your own? Schadenfreude means getting joy from the misfortune of others. Apanthropinization is the withdrawal from the world and any problems and resignation of any current concerns. Scripturient is the act of feeling a strong and violent urge to write something. Words like this need to be learnt and used, or the language dies.

MILFs

I remember the good old days when they were all older woman, sexy and some kind of strange forbidden fruit you know you’d never get any chance with. Now they’re just slutty twenty-year-olds with a poor knowledge of the morning after pill.

Every Time

I see a paperclip lying on the floor, I always straighten it out so it’s one long wire while I picture that paperclip being the wife or, if I’m feeling particularly evil, child of “Clippy”, The world’s most annoying assistant from the days of Window’s ‘97. It gives me a small amount of satisfaction to think of that annoying little cunt crying at home when his family don’t return.

To My Future Children…

You will never truly know suspense. Thanks to the information age, you won’t need to call people. You will never experience the feeling of having something incredibly important to say, phoning someone to say it to them and the phone rings, and rings, and rings… No answer.