I Believe The Term Is…

A shit sandwich. I heard this term today, not for the first time obviously because I’m not a fucking crab, but it was the first time I actually thought about it.

People usually seem to use it to describe when you get lumped with two equally unappealing and unfortunate circumstances at the same time, but that’s not actually a shit sandwich now, is it?

A ham sandwich is ham between two slices of bread and a chicken sandwich is chicken between two slices of bread. The first word is the filling and sandwich essentially just means “between two slices of bread”. Seems simple enough, so I really do fail to see the why this is such a common mistake.

By this logic, a shit sandwich is really a singular piece of shit, served to you piping hot and ready to eat, but obviously between two slices of bread. Wholemeal, bran bread, butter, mayonnaise, you can take your pick because it really doesn’t matter when when it’s covered in a hefty portion of shit.

So, when life throws two truly awful circumstances at you at the same time, you’re not really being given a shit sandwich. You’re not even being given two shit sandwiches, unless for some unknown reason both these awful circumstances are bread-related but I really can’t see that happening.

What’s really happening is that you’re being spitroasted by two gargantuan penises sculpted entirely out of shit. You’re being shitroasted, or experiencing “a shitroast”, if you will.

That’s it really, I just want to let that phrase bleed out into everyday conversation.

A shitroast.

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Nando’s

This gorgeous chicken-eatery is going to have the pleasure of my presence tonight. I’ve got work to do when I get back to Swansea on sunday so I’m not going out for Carnage as it really would use up what little time I have to do these essays and what little time I have to spend with my girlfriend. I’ve been getting into spoken word poetry a lot recently as well. I’ve written some of my own and I actually can’t wait till I come home for christmas so I can record it and start things going! I’ll also get to spend almost every day with the girl of my dreams again. As lame as it sounds, I really do miss her when we’re not together.